The Next Steps

“Mom, what’s wrong? Was that the doctor?” I asked.

It was.

She proceeded to tell me that the results of my initial blood draw had come back.

It showed that my hormones were not only low…

…there were none in my body at all.

What seemed like a million questions flooded into my mind all in an instant. How can that be? What did this mean?

It meant that since there weren’t any hormones within my body, it was highly likely that I hadn’t developed ovaries or a uterus. The next step was an ultrasound to confirm.

I've never been one to get upset easily, but that night, I was crushed. I had prepared myself for what the results may show, but I had not expected to be feeling this way afterward.

Once again, I had to wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soon, the time came for the ultrasound. I remember being extremely nervous about what it was going to reveal.

I slowly laid back, looking intently at the screen on the wall facing me. I vividly remember how ice-cold the gel was, and the moment when the probe touched my skin.

I wasn’t entirely sure what I was supposed to be looking for, but I didn’t exactly see anything aside from a black and fuzzy screen, and that is what terrified me.

Perhaps I was overthinking, but I noticed that the ultrasound tech was oddly quiet, and I couldn’t help but wonder what that meant as well.

Afterward, we went into our usual room. My biggest fear was confirmed a few minutes later when the doctor walked in, a serious expression written on her friendly face.

“Unfortunately, we couldn’t find any signs of ovarian or uterine development. There was nothing.”

Nothing? Nothing at all? Those words cut my heart open like the world's sharpest knife…

…but the next words that were spoken would be the most hurtful and haunting of all.

“Sadly, this means that you will not be able to have kids of your own later in life.”

I almost wanted to ask her to repeat herself. "Surely I didn't hear that right." I thought.

I did, however.